He’s Just Not That Into You.
May 27th, 2005 by Kate
Erin just pointed out that I am eating an apple while playing on my apple.
I finally finished it— By the time I was less than 20 pages into the book and I was already sick and tired of that phrase! I know it is the title of the book, and the premise of the book, but can’t you (Greg) say something else?! It’s annoying– like Larry the Cable Guy on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour with his stupid catch phrase “get-er done.” He says it over and over again in the most random places. Learn some new words!
About halfway into the book I had to stop reading because of finals and moving. It gave me a chance to reflect on what I had read and my roommate even picked it up to give it a whirl. When I saw that she had started reading it, I asked her what she thought and her answer changed my attitude toward the book.
The book is basically broken up into two sections: new love and old love. New love is like when you first start the dating process and are learning about the other person. You know how the beginnings of relationships work… And the old love part focuses more on the established relationship that seems to be in a rut. “We’ve been dating for five years, we are in our mid-thirties and he doesn’t want to get married-ish.” It was this ‘new love’ section that drove me crazy. He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you 24/7, blah blah bullshit. I can understand being totally into someone and wanting to talk to them but not obsessively. I learned that lesson the hard way. I also agree that space in a relationship is good and that missing someone is a sign of a healthy relationship, but come on, just because “he” doesn’t call me every minute of every day doesn’t mean he isn’t into me. I know that just because we aren’t in the same room or on the phone doesn’t mean that he has forgotten about me! Gah, the guy has a life too. I believe in not waiting around, life is too short, but I’m not so sure about this Nazi-like he-must-call-when-he-said-he-would-or-dump-his-ass theme.
I’m still “not really that into” the Greg guy and the advice that he is giving. I just happened to catch the episode of Oprah when they were discussing this book, and actually get a visual of this Greg guy. I can’t just sit around and do nothing because I’m fabulous! I am very old fashioned and I believe that the guy should ask the girl out, but I am also a strong supporter of going after what you want. I know my opinions reflect my southern, small city upbringing. This book reminds me of the movie Down with Love. This sort of revolution is beginning, women around the world are reading this book and incorporating these ideas into their dating practices. But I don’t see how anyone is going to find the ‘right guy’ if you dump them if they’re doing (or not doing) something out of this book. I’m all for female empowerment, go girl power, but I don’t buy everything in this book.
The book is broken down into the chapters each on a topic. The following are a few of my favorites, complete with a little commentary from me:
He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out (Obviously.)
He’s just now that into you if he’s not calling you (I think incessant calling is ridiculous. I’m incredibly busy and I will make time to call someone if I really want to, but I do not think it is necessary to call every hour on the hour or whatever.)
He’s just not that into you if he’s not dating you (See the first one.)
He’s just not that into you if he’s not having sex with you (I would rephrase that to something along the lines of he’s just not that into if he doesn’t find you sexually desirable. I would put it that way for the few of us who are going to wait to do the deed. )
He’s just not that into you if he’s having sex with someone else (Dump his ass!)
On page 91, Greg says “there’s a guy out there who wants to marry you.” I’m sure there is, but do I want to marry him? Why does it have to be all about the guy? This is the twenty first century; gender equality is a hot topic. The book ends with a list of ‘standard suggestions’ for setting the bar in what to look for in a guy. A few of them are on my list, I will not date a man who is married, for example. But I do not think there is anything wrong with asking a guy out and if you are waiting by the phone for him to call, you need to get a life and do something else! I have ridiculously high standards and I refuse to lower the bar. I guess that is why I have been happily single for the past two years of my life. “Pets are God’s way of saying “Don’t lower the bar because you’re lonely.” (66) And the fact that I habitually pack my schedule with meetings and high-profile events. I’m a busy girl, I don’t have time to wait around.
By the time I finished the book, I liked it a little better. Still not crazy about it though. I decided to read it because my peers (I use that term lightly) from high school were going on and on about it on thefacebook.com and decided to see what all the fuss was about. And after all of this is said and done, I’m still looking for that guy who can’t wait to love me