thatonegirl [dot] net

Everyday Heidi and I exchange emails while at work. The following is a highly amusing excerpt from today’s edition, written by me.

• “The title to the story of my life should be “The Unknown Truth: A Passionate Portrait of a Serial Thriller.” That is the title to a tell-all book about J.Lo’s sex life. She is currently in the middle of a legal battle to prevent her ex from printing it.

  Mindless celebrity gossip amuses me.

  Ooo take this one– “Britney: Pregnancy No. 2 ‘just kind of happened.’ ” Whatever. Pregnancy doesn’t “just happen.” And who really cares? Tuesday the headline was “Britney burps, munches on camera.” I mean seriously, can’t we report about something relevant? Britney Spears has gone from being a teen pop icon to being just plain trash. And she is reportedly making Kevin get rid of his six pet Australian gray nurse sharks because she thinks they’re risky to have with children in the house. Only crazy people keep sharks as pets. The Superficial, my favorite gossip site wrote this, “Britney Spears being concerned about the safety of her children is like the Hamburgler being concerned about the lack of security at McDonalds. If the kids had a choice they’d probably prefer to be raised by the sharks anyway. At least with the sharks they’re only risk is being eaten. With Britney they’ve got to worry about being dropped, tied to the roof of a car, or put in a microwave. And being eaten.”

  At least a federal judge finally ruled that the U.S. government’s eavesdropping program is unconstitutional and ordered it ended immediately. Who needs to read the news when you can get it all from me. WITH COMMENTARY! Oh, and now the Department of Justice has announced that it will appeal the judge’s ruling.”