Valentine’s Day 2008.
Feb 14th, 2008 by Kate
It has definitely become a tradition of mine to write a Valentine’s Day post. Last year I did a bit of a review of my past Valentine’s days. I read over some of my old posts and wrote some insights. If only I knew then what I know now! This year is more of a history lesson with some colorful commentary at the end thanks to Cathryn Michon.
The oldest known origin of the holiday was an ancient Roman festival in honor of the goddess Juno Februata. During this festival, girls would put their names into an urn and the boys who drew their names were required to date those girls for a full year, thus beginning the time-honored belief among men that February 14 is a very high-maintenance day.
The draconian punishments of men who send the wrong present are also part of the rich Valentine’s Day tradition. The original St. Valentine himself was actually clubbed, stoned and beaten to death just for sending a love letter, and February 14 is believed to be the actual day of his gruesome death. So, in their defense, you can see why some men may be leery of sending cards.
In short, the history of the holiday comprises beatings, torture, martyrdom and sexual enslavement. The simple fact is that men truly believe Valentine’s Day is a holiday of financial coercion and emotional blackmail. It’s very popular amongst terminally chic chicks to run down Valentine’s Day as a false and meaningless holiday created by unscrupulous greeting card companies to extort beleaguered men to pony up cash for useless cards and trinkets if they ever hope to engage in sexual intercourse again in this lifetime.
And yet, you want a Valentine’s gift or you’ll feel like a loser. I get it. So, tell him he’s right, it’s a crazy holiday, but you’d like him to give you something anyway.
Tell him there’s sex in it for him.
He’ll be thrilled to know this. Trust me, he’s done way dumber things for sex. He’ll appreciate your directness. I suggest you say to him, “Honey, you know the old saying, ‘Would you rather be happy or would you rather be right?’ Why don’t you amend it to read, ‘Would you rather be right or would you rather be having sex?‘” He’ll see the wisdom of your philosophy.
Happy Valentine’s Day dear readers!
Parts taken from Surviving Valentine’s Day, One chocolate at a time by Cathryn Michon